The Weight of Motherness

Megna Rajagopal reflects on how she views “motherness”, a piece of Essence from the Women Emerging methodology.

Motherness, to me, is being empathetic and caring for others - being emotionally sensitive, while also having the strength to be stern when needed. It's not just softness. It’s knowing when to say what needs to be said.

In my personal life, this role has always come naturally. I’m the eldest daughter, and with that came responsibility early on. I didn’t even know I was stepping into it - it just happened. I was always the one who cared, who checked in, who was mindful of everyone else. I’ve emphasised the caring part of motherness for most of my life. But only recently have I started learning that boundaries and sternness are just as important.

That realisation came with overwhelm. A tiredness I couldn’t explain. A kind of burnout that crept in quietly. It showed up during times I was doing too much - leading, taking responsibility, constantly replying, always being there for everyone. At some point, I realised: this is too much.

I think a lot of us forget to include ourselves in our own care. And for me, that traces back to how I was raised. Being perfect and being selfless was praised. That messaging sinks in deep. You're admired for not needing anything. You're celebrated for holding everything together.

But when we don’t tend to our own needs, we eventually disconnect - from others, from ourselves. I noticed I was more easily annoyed. Less present. That’s when I knew something had to shift.

For me, motherness now looks like taking a break from everything. Going for peaceful walks. Creating space where no one needs anything from me. Setting boundaries and being stern while leading and reacting to others - recognising when I’ve done enough and when I need to step back. It’s not always easy to give myself that permission - but I’m working on it. Still.

I’ve learned a lot by living it. Not because someone told me, but because I went through it. So if I could offer something to someone else who feels this way, I’d say this:

It’s okay to be there for others - provided you are there for yourself. And also, allow yourself to take help from those you can.

You can lead with heart, without losing yours.

This blog is written by Megna Rajagopal, who is a Clean Energy Market Research Analyst II at Solarabic DMCC. She is an explorer on the WE expedition for Women Leading in Renewable Energy. Megna is passionate about gender equity and advocates for a more inclusive future.